Never Forget 09/11/2001

Preface: since that day I have never talked about this event with anyone. The reason is because I do not want to diminish it, nor accidentally disrespect it in any way. The impact it has had on me and more importantly on so many people everywhere, even to this day, was and is greater than my ability to convey its magnitude.

Surprisingly, after so many years, however, I do feel the need to let it out, hopefully as honorably and as decently as I can.

On this fateful day 19 years ago I was heading into the City to go to work. Back then I was working as an Art Director designing websites for a small but very cool Web Development company that had recently moved from Long Island to NYC in what was a much cooler Mid-Town location.

It was a beautiful day, you could see in the distance for miles. My commute into the City took about 1 hour and 15 minutes by train from my town to Penn Station, courtesy of the Long Island Railroad.  

When not in control and not driving a vehicle I usually fall asleep, I am definitely not a good traveling companion. Movement and noise lull me to sleep very quickly. The train ride was always either a continuation of my previous night sleep or, if ideas were occupying my mind, the laptop would keep me busy for that hour and fifteen.

That day was no different, I was asleep by the time I sat my butt on the uncomfortable seat. I think it was the older style train with the burgundy faux leather seats and short back rests for those who have been on those trains. It did not matter, I have slept standing plenty of times on the L.I.R.R.

When getting closer to Penn, in the last part of the ride, there is point before the tunnel where trains usually slow down and even stop and you can actually see the glorious NYC skyline. That is where we were stopped on that day and that was when the guy next to me woke me up. He told me to look outside the window pointing at the twin towers which were so clear, so sharp, better than a 4K tv, unfortunately. He said: "look there is a fire on the upper floors... look, look..." He followed his scrambling thoughts into words that wanted to have the certainty that the FDNY would take care of that no problem because, we both agreed, they are trained and accustomed to deal with fires in tall buildings in the City... I sort of acknowledged for the few minutes that it took to see that it was not just an extraordinary isolated fire.
By the time I saw the second tower being hit, the train went into the eeriest silence. There was only one guy sitting by the doors area of the train who was on his cell phone and was saying out loud: "we are being attacked"... I remember to be confused by that statement in a wtf is he sayin' type reaction.
Then even that guy went silent, as his phone was no longer receiving nor transmitting. We were cut off from everything and everyone. Suspended, stopped at that point on the tracks, eerily watching images you do not ever want to see again. I had reached for my phone trying to get in touch with my wife to seek information, to tell her I am ok, to tell her what I was seeing, to unconsciously know that my two children were OK. You know. But had no more connection either. The images of that tan gray colored cloud of smoke after the collapse will never go away. It took a long time to get home that day. A lot of people never got that chance. From that day I live with that thought.

When I finally got home to my wife and children, later that evening, I was left with a sense of extreme void and sadness despite the comfort they gave me. I shut off that day completely. 9/11/2001 is and hopefully will remain, my most tangible Memorial day. Too many lives were and continue to be lost. Too many.

The days, weeks and months that followed were eerie and powerful. The silenced city, a never before felt sense of closeness, togetherness, with the people walking to go to work in a city notorious for the opposite. A sort of dusty fog that stayed in the City canyons for so long. The constant first responders vehicles going back and forth from uptown to downtown, are all things that can never leave me and, perhaps, rightly so.

With the greatest respect to those who are still here that worked so hard to help. To those who lost their lives on that day and after because of that day may you all rest in peace. Know that you will never be forgotten.

Gaby Ann Love